The Official and Super God Damned Holy Website of...
His Excellency the most under esteemed and considerably unrecognized emerging new Guru Super Power

Jerry: Now Called (Bag-one Papacy Mama Mahaharaji Ripoffche)

Considerably more spiritual than that sissy Euro turd hiding in Colorado, or that glassy eyed hick in Alberta, and all 120 of those Ass Clowns currently stinking up the good state of California, any and all of those bearded yoga creeps in India, wickedly more capable of delivering enlightenment than the mailman from Boulder, cooler than the chinless dweeb living in Vancouver, and all other unmentionably desperate mouth breathing spiritual charlatans the world over!

You may have heard that Jerry is going through a transformative spiritually charged career change. It's true Jerry now called (his Holiness Bag-one Papacy Mama Mahaharaji Ripoffche) is holding Irregular Satsangs (Bullshit sessions) where we will readily contemplate the general meaningless of everything together yet remaining hysterically alone in a blandly mundane, and randomly un-purposeful universe bereft of a coherent philosophical unifying force greater than that of the mathematical connections between particles, and the savage complexity of life eating Life. We will also laugh derisively at all nihilistic denials of the super conscious and its comedic intention to feed us all to worms after toiling helplessly through the blinding darkness of our crusty lives.

All teachings will arise spontaneously from rants, vaguely eluded to truths of a highly subjective and overly generalized philosophy of love and peace reinforced by an incomprehensible series of delusions of exclusive dominion over reality generated during moments of extreme duress brought on by the insistence of grossly repetitive spiritual practices.

All of which, including this very illuminating text, are designed to bring you absolutely nothing of net benefit apart from driving you permanently away from ever attempting to subjugate yourself to any pseudo-spiritual, temporal, secular, or philosophical lineage or practice administered by equally unqualified and subjective authority figures who have a stake in sharing their ridiculously ephemeral and fleeting views about stuff to make a buck, shag some disciples, and have a really great laugh at the fact that business is still really fucking good in the Spiritual / Religious industry.

Except of course this revelation which is in fact the one only and complete truth ever offered by a living being except of course the Taliban who got it right after all, but only after a lengthy consultation with Jerry, but not including the eventual schism that separated them centered on the use of a man's beard as a cleaning pad during household chores. (If you must know Jerry was pro-choice on the beard cleaning pad issue!)

When Teaching Jerry now called ( Bag-one Papacy Mama Mahaharaji Ripoffche) uses a secret, ultra transformative, clinically proven, governmentally sanctioned, religiously tested, Lineage certified, practitioner backed, disciple worshipped, ancestrally sponsored, proto-sapient space-time free, previously deity controlled method of delivering utterly useless, and broadly metaphorical ditties that can be applied generously to any life situation is such a way that the devotee can easily find generic levels of meaning, invested revelations, topical analogies, and allegorical greeting card Ah-ha Moments.

As the only total deity ass kicker and currently free, utterly realized, entirely escaped from bullshit, and permanently over the rest of the worlds retarded animalistic behavior, Jerry is humbly accepting all offers of shallow unprotected group sex with large packs of screaming devotees, laughing gas, high quality prescription drugs, high quality Marijuana & psychedelics, all manner of sports cars, private jets, Mansions, perverse amounts of money, really killer booze, tickets to rock concerts, biographical writers, all offers to assassinate competitors (especially ones who want his laughing gas), and Michael Jackson level plastic surgery.

When asked about his perceived glaring ethical inconsistencies Jerry says, "Nobody can understand the being with which I be. And when you, which you never will, have been what I been being, then you can be all that, and more, but not more than I been, for my being is betterer and is all the lords accounts beautiful, and at once one with all bitches being now. Drugs, perverted sex, and glutinous consumption of material wealth are simple expressions of being love and what’s been being is being free, which is what it's been all about being."

Please send Checks, offers of sex (Women only!), and sporting equipment to jerry[at]jerryarsenault[dot]com. (Please do not send drugs directly, as the Authorities are still in denial as to Jerry's most superior status, and Jerry out of deeply held compassion does not want to atomically deconstruct government officials from the face of the earth with his Divine Vengeance Practice (directly transmitted to him by Bob Hope.)

Once the money's counted, sex received (again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.) Jerry will dawn his sporting equipment and offer his revelation to his followers in such a way as to ensure that all peoples everywhere understand in totality the futility with which a Man-God of his most ignoble stature can offer such saccharine sweet and utterly useless mystical bullshit for the world to gorge itself to death on.